How to handle difficult conversations assertively, without creating or becoming the drama.

Following on from my article “Who are your toughest conversations with?” a few months ago I thought I would expand.

Knowing you have to address something with someone else can weigh heavily on your mind, creating a bigger issue as you keep putting it off. There is no way to control the other person’s reaction but you can control yourself and your emotions and with preparation make the conversation professional so that the reaction is as positive as it can be.

Firstly, it’s important for you to remember that being assertive is about expressing your view clearly and being open to listening to the other point of view. Your want to be heard, stay open and respectful. Try not to be reactive; that’s often the point when the drama starts!

When emotions run high, assertiveness can slip into aggression or passivity so it’s important to stay calm and present. Remember to breathe deeply … inhale slowly and exhale slower. If you can feel yourself (or them) getting very emotional, ask for a brief pause or five-minute break.

Rather than blaming the other person in general terms … “You are always late” … deal in specifics. “You were late on Monday morning, you returned back late from lunch today and now you are 10 minutes late for this meeting”.

Additionally, rather than making bald statements such as … “You don’t care about this project” … which will put the other person on the defensive, talk about how their behaviour makes you feel … “When you are late to my meetings it makes me feel as though you don’t care about this project”.

Finally, take responsibility.

This is especially true when delivering bad news such as redundancy or setbacks. Don’t blame others or distance yourself, avoid statements like “If it had been up to me…” or “I don’t know why the decision was made…”. If you own the decision with authority rather than just being the messenger you will build more trust and respect.

Being assertive isn’t about force; it’s about clarity, calm, and mutual respect.

Breathing, explaining your reasoning, listening, and taking responsibility can help you own your voice without overpowering others.

If you’d like help working out how to handle real-life scenarios, talk through your next best steps or even rehearse specific conversations, I offer one hour Zoom calls where we can do exactly that. The cost is just £150 and you can book a time that suits you by clicking here.