Who are your toughest conversations with?

When we think about communication challenges, we often picture that tense meeting with a client, an awkward conversation with a colleague, or a disagreement with a partner. But let me ask you this … are your toughest conversations actually with yourself?

You know the one I mean. That internal voice that criticises, undermines and judges you in ways even the school bully wouldn’t have dared. It’s easy to recognise a difficult conversation with someone else … but it’s the internal dialogue that can be the most damaging, and the most constant.

Of course, it’s not only internal chatter we have to manage. There are times when we’re faced with challenging conversations with others – clients, managers, team members or loved ones – and we aren’t always ready for them.

Maybe emotions run high. Maybe we’re caught off guard. Maybe we’re simply trying to avoid conflict and hope it goes away.

But the reality is, difficult conversations happen. And when they do, how you handle yourself can make all the difference.

So, here are my top tips to help you manage these situations … whether the conversation is with someone else or with that critical voice in your head:

Pause before you react

It’s tempting to jump in defensively or retreat entirely, but taking a breath gives you space to choose your response instead of reacting from emotion. The pause is powerful so use it.

Get curious, not defensive

Ask yourself or the other person: “What’s really going on here?” Shifting from judgement to curiosity allows you to explore the issue rather than escalate it.

Name what you’re feeling

Acknowledging your emotions (even just to yourself) helps you regulate them. Try saying, “I’m feeling frustrated” or “I’m nervous about this conversation.” Naming it is the first step.

Speak to be heard, not to win

The goal of a difficult conversation isn’t to come out on top, it’s to be understood. Choose clarity and compassion over competition.

Be kind … especially to yourself

You wouldn’t talk to a friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself. So treat yourself with the same kindness and respect. Your internal dialogue shapes the way you communicate with the world more than you realise.

Whether you’re facing a tricky client conversation, a moment of honesty with your partner, or simply trying to silence your inner critic; remember that communication starts with you.

And the better you get at handling yourself, the more confident, calm and effective you’ll be with everyone else.